Friday, April 08, 2011

A Letter to the Government

Stolen from a friend on Facebook:

Hey Congress,
It's okay, go ahead and shutdown government operations for an indefinite period of time. One caveat: don't charge us for it. If you can't collaborate on something this important, you're paying for all the charges incurred. All of it. I know it seems mean, but it'll teach you responsibility. When you're grown up, you'll appreciate this lesson.


Truer words were never spoken. It's official (if it wasn't before): Our country is run by idiots, fanatics, and general imbeciles.

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Sunday, December 05, 2010

Blow Me, Microsoft

Dear Microsoft,
I purchased an Xbox 360 over two years ago, and not even a year into my console's life, it dies on me, specifically, an E74 error.
I attempted to get a label shipped to me at a new address, however, I could not edit my address on xbox.com, because your website sucks. I never received a label, and when I could finally edit my address, it wouldn't save due to an "unexpected error".
Since the website was redesigned after the launch of Kinect, I was able to edit my address on the website. It turns out there's been a repair order placed on my system, which obviously couldn't be finished, since I couldn't get a label to send my system in.

So I canceled the repair order and went to place another one. Now I find out that I will be charged $100 because my system's warranty expired. Which wouldn't have happened if I was able to send my system in when it first died. So now you want me to pay you $100 more for a repair. Repairs on a system that has a 42-54% failure rate. So I have to pay for your fuck-up? Because you morons thought "Hey, maybe we don't need more fans in here", or "Yo, let's use these cheap-ass components. Nothing will go wrong here!".

No. I will not pay. You will fix my system for free. Luckily, I had a back-up Xbox. One that was repaired a long time ago, and took almost two months for me to get. You suck at customer service.

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Monday, October 11, 2010

Close the Ballots...

...we have a winner for the 2010 Darwin Awards.

A handicapped man in South Korea, obviously mad that the elevator went without him, proceeds to throw a fit and ram the elevator door with his wheelchair, plunging to his death at the end of things.

I could make a commentary on how moronic this guy is, but I think the video here does it justice.

How impatient are we these days that when we don't get instant gratification or get our way, we're willing to die to show how pissed we are? Maybe it would be understandable if this was a kid, but this is a grown-ass adult. There's no excuse. I hate to sound callous (no I don't), but this guy deserved it. Natural selection at its finest.

The Darwin Awards site said:
The authorities traced the "problem" to elevator doors that cannot withstand a large impact. Safety regulations were strengthened three years after the elevator was installed, to prevent accidents "such as might happen to children and drunks."
I'm pretty sure the problem was this guy ramming it. Yeah, the door looks like its made from material that makes Lindsay Lohan's willpower look mighty, but I don't think that its the elevator's fault. Were this to happen in America, the man's family would sue the place this occurred at, the elevator company, and the wheelchair manufacturer. They'd probably win too.

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Saturday, October 09, 2010

Like Blood From A Stone

That's the summary if you're playing through Earth Defense Force 2017 for the Xbox 360.

EDF2017, published by Japanese company D3, is a throwback to the old days when games had no major storyline and fancy graphics and they were just plain fun. And hard. In EDF, you are Storm One, a nameless man fighting an alien invasion of giant robots, ants, and spiders. Lots and lots of robots, ants, and spiders.

That's a lot of ants.

The game boasts over 150 weapons and 5 difficulties. People shouldn't have a hard time beating the game on Easy and Normal, but the game gets absolutely BRUTAL on harder difficulties Hard, Harder, and Inferno. Some may complain about the graphics of the game not being the greatest, but for a Japanese import budget title, you really can't complain. Especially when the game is this much fun.

The whole game plays out in an awful, Ed Wood-style monster movie: giant bugs attack Tokyo, and you have to stop them. That's it. Kill the bugs.

And do it AWESOME.

The voice acting is awful B-movie cheese at its best. It's mindless fun, but I do have a few complaints about the game. First off, the game lags a lot when there's a ton of action on the screen, which is 80% of the time. Second, which sort of ties into the first complaint, is the lack of online cooperative play. With the lag in the main game, throwing online lag is a recipe for disaster. You can play split-screen with a second player, but shrinking your field of vision in a game like this tends to be a bad idea.
Third is the difficulty. I enjoy a challenge, but this game is ridiculous. Inferno mode is a one-or-two-hit-kill masochist paradise, if you aren't strong enough to fight the onslaught of hundreds of insects. And that's just the first level: you have 52 more to go.
Finally is the achievements. There are six: One for finishing the game on its five difficulties, and one for collecting all of the weapons in the game. I have played the game for 36 hours, and only have the Easy and Normal difficulty achievements.
The way to beat the game on harder difficulties is to get Armor drops from killing enemies, which increases your maximum health. I currently have about 3300 health. The maximum is somewhere in the neighborhood of 15,000.

I have a long way to go.

In all, its fun and for $12 now, you can have mindless fun too. Although I wouldn't recommend playing for long amounts of time: you'll get burned out quickly.

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Saturday Musings

So I'm sitting here at the radio station on a Saturday with some time to kill before my show-thing, so I figured I'd write some stuff I've been thinking of recently:

WHY: Do people who suck up and suck at their job get ahead of others who don't suck up and don't suck at their jobs?
I know a kiss-ass when I see one, and worse, someone who enjoys having their ass kissed. And if I had a leach permanently attached to my ass, I'd burn it off with a lighter. My ego doesn't constantly need to be stroked. People who need theirs stroked constantly have issues.

WHY: Is Panera Bread named St. Louis Bread Company in St. Louis, and Paradise Bakery in the West?
It's stationed in St. Louis, why not keep the name SLBC? Or Panera? Why change it across the country? Morons.

WHO: Is Atlas?
WHY: Does Gamestop insist on bugging the piss out of you when you go look at games?
I like to browse sometimes and see stuff I may buy. I don't need a clerk who 75% of the time knows what he/she knows about games from a script telling me about this "new and awesome" game coming out that I have no interest in. No, I'm not gonna buy the new Kane and Lynch game, no matter how awesome you tell me it is. Leave me be.

The girl's look is the exact one I have when I'm asked to subscribe to Game Informer, a magazine owned by Gamestop which is completely trustworthy and has no ulterior motives whatsoever.

WHY: Do game companies include useless crap in Special Editions and tack on an extra $30? A better question is why do people buy them?
I have bought 1 special edition game in my entire life: Fallout 3. Because I got an awesome bobble head out of it and it was an extra $5. Not 30 for some other superfluous stuff. I don't give a turd about extra costumes and gameplay stuff.
Sometimes I think that game companies keep stuff from the final product in order to nickel and dime people with downloadable goodies, but that's another post for another day.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Marriage Isn't a Right...For Anyone

I mentioned in a previous post that I recently got engaged to a wonderful woman whom I love very much. Since then, I've been thinking and talking weddings quite frequently, and it got me thinking about posting this post, which is something I've been meaning to do for quite some time.

Marriage isn't a right...for anyone. It doesn't matter if you're straight, gay, in a wheelchair, whatever. It simply isn't a right. I get so sick and tired of people on TV and radio and even in public (Facebook counts as public, right?) talking about "Gays have the right to be married!!111". No, no they don't.

As I've said before, I don't care about the gay marriage issue. It's a moot point for me. I'm not gay. But I don't care if they do get married (that awful, coma-inducing bumper sticker that says something to the effect "Gay people deserve to be as miserable as everyone else!" sort of rings true here, for me at least.)

Now that I've pissed you off, random internet reader, let me explain my stance:

First of all, lets deal with heterosexual marriage (and simply marriage in general). It's not a right for a few reasons:
1. First off, there is nothing in the US Constitution that says people have the right to be married. Not at all. Go ahead, take a sec to read it and get back to me.


I have all the time in the world...

Ok, now that you're back, let me say it again: Civil rights, by definition, are rights guaranteed in the constitution. Marriage is not mentioned in the constitution. Therefore, by the power of deduction, marriage is not a civil right. And it's not for obvious reasons. How would you like to be walking down the street and a crackhead homeless man who smells of roasted almonds and urine came up to you and asked you to marry him? First of all, I'd be concerned, because I like almonds. Second, I'd be reaching for my pepper spray.

That's for those poor, innocent almonds, asshole.

Obviously (hopefully) you'd say "no". But let's think for a second: Isn't marriage a right for "everyone"? If that were the case, someone would have to marry this poor bastard. Hopefully, they'd be forced to do so against their will.

"But Ed," I hear you saying, "people have the right to choose! He couldn't just marry some random person! 'My right to hit you in the face ends with your right not to be harmed, etc.' "

Exactly my point. Even if you have a basic understanding of human rights, nobody should be forced to marry this random guy. Which completely deflates the argument against marriage as a "right".
Secondly, divorce would be illegal, because you'd be denying your spouse the right to be married. Hell, even rejecting someone’s marriage proposal could be classified as illegal and discriminatory. If it is a human right, it should be guaranteed to all people. But marriage cannot be a guaranteed right as society has not the power nor the authority to enforce such a guarantee. If that were the case, drug addicts, child molesters, murderers, rapists, and all other forms of social ill that deserve punishment in Dante's Inferno would have the "right" to be married.


What circle would this fall under?

Speaking of hellfire and brimstone, now we discuss the "right" of gay marriage. Again, I don't care if gay people get married. Let them do what they want. It's not the point I'm trying to argue, and it's not my place to say one way or the other. My point is that, by and large, people who are saying "marriage is a right" are homosexual. And it's simply not true. Plus, I have an issue with the homosexual movement hijacking the "Civil Rights" banner from the black community and their struggles from the past.

2. My second point is that I don't like the government interfering with my personal life. Nobody should. That being said, marriage should be handled however the bride and groom (or bride/bride or groom/groom) want it to be handled, be it religious ceremony or a visit to their local courthouse. If you're gay, and you love your partner, do you really need the government to tell you that your love is validated? If you do, you have issues.
Sure, married heterosexual couples get sweet-ass tax breaks (especially if they have kids), and gay couples who can't get married can't cash in. Which brings me to another thought: is this gay marriage issue really about "rights"? Sometimes, it's hard to tell.

"Well, Ed," you start to spout off again, "who should handle marriage?"

Easy: Churches and Ministers. The government shouldn't have the right to say who can and can't get married.

"But Ed," you lament, "churches consider homosexuality a sin! I can't marry my partner if the churches are in control!"

Well, you can't marry them now and you're doing just fine aren't you? Besides, you can always check in with an Episcopalian church and let them do it.

That's all for now. Feel free to be an idiot and call me a bigot in the comments.

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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A Return to Form

I'm back to update you on my life as is. I've recently got engaged to a wonderful lady who loves me almost as much as I love her. It's an awesome feeling to be loved, and I don't know what I'd do without her. (Awww).

That being said, I've also recently received an Xbox 360, and will update you on the gaming side of my life in a second.
First of all, if you've enjoyed reading my blog over the years (and who hasn't?), you can still keep up with me despite my lack of updating on Edquarters. Twitter has become my go-to area for complaining, bitching, and insulting. You can follow along by going to www.twitter.com/edb87 and following my thoughts and life. Limited to 140 characters, of course.
Now, on to what you've really wanted: games. Since receiving an Xbox 360 for my birthday (my 4th one, BTW) and waiting for it to conk out on me any day now, I've sort of went on a buying spree when it comes to games...

Red Dead Redemption

If you haven't played this game, you need to quit reading this blog, go to your local game store, and sell your old consoles and possibly your first born and pick it up. It's that good.
I personally didn't get into Grand Theft Auto 4, mainly because it was simply GTA: San Andreas minus the exercising and fried chicken joints. RDR takes the GTA formula and perfects it, with enough side missions and extra quests to keep one busy for a long, long time, but without all the superfulous stuff I didn't like, like exercising and fried chicken joints. I've sunk more hours into Blackjack and hunting than I'd care to admit. I've recently completed the first area of the map, and when I say the map is huge, I mean it. It's massive.
The storyline is top-notch as well: you are John Marston, and your family has been taken hostage by the...federal government?!? Basically the government is in its final stages of taming the west, and you are their agent to help finish the job by killing off the crew of outlaws you used to run with. While doing that you will encounter people from New Austin who are good, bad and downright ugly.
Simply put, RDR is Rockstar's crowning achievement, and to miss out on it would be a crime. A crime punishable by hanging.


Clive Barker's Jericho

Here's an odd case: I wanted to pick the game up when it came out, but couldn't justify the $60 price tag. So when I saw it for $7, I couldn't say no.
I haven't got very far into it but from what I can tell, you're a member of a SpecOps group that deals with the occult. Being a member of this superhero club means you have various magic and psychic attacks you can do, from pushing walls with your mind to making a fillet mingnon out of your opponents. While sort of interesting, I can't say I haven't seen the story before, which is strange coming from Clive Barker, who created Hellraiser and Rawhead Rex.

Gameplay is basic: shoot demons here, open door there, psychic sword slice this guy. It's uninteresting until the monsters come out. That's where things get...interesting.

The monsters have enough variety to them to keep things interesting, but the game can get tough: when 3 basic grunts and 2 exploding monsters bum rush you, chances are you're going to get killed. I'd recommend picking it up for less than $10, if not for the gameplay than for the story. I mean, come on, it's Clive Barker.


The Bigs

Being the baseball fan that I am, I enjoy playing baseball games. Games that put all of the players on roids and lets you play pinball in Times Square.
You see, I'm not a fan of sim sports games. I could care less what my salary cap is, or who injured their pinky toe while sliding into third. I just want to play a fun game of baseball, and that's what The Bigs delivers in spades. Think NBA Jam, but with baseball. You basically accumulate points through striking people out, performing diving catches and getting on base. Once you reach a certain plateau, you can either pitch a nearly impossible to hit ball and steal some of your opponent's points, or you get a free homerun. Minigames like Baseball Pinball, set in Times Square and a story mode help flesh out the fun. It's silly fun, and I recommend it to serious and casual baseball fans alike.
That's enough for now. I'll be back later with thoughts on Too Human and Mirror's Edge.

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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Update

I'm still alive. Things in my life have been pretty busy, so don't expect an update until the weekend. I'll get better at this, I promise.

While I've got some free time, I want to update you on a few things that have happened across the entertainment world:

I think I'm caught up now. Look for more on the weekends, aka the only time I have time to do anything.

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